stormchild03 (stormchild03) wrote in note_to_kid,

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What should I do?

Dear daughter:
I am your mother but I am also your friend. You and I talk about everything ... or so I thought. You tell me how your day went, I listen and I ask questions. I am always intererested in your life. Sometimes you let me read your journal, your e-mail, your texts and we are friends on Facebook.
Today I read the note you were going to give to your boyfriend. You didn't ask me to read it, didn't give me a copy and I really can't explain why I decided to do it. You didn't hide it, it was right there in plain sight. Did you want me to read it?
I am shocked. I had no idea things like that were going on with you two. I know you just turned fifteen and he is sixteen and the whole raging hormones thing is going on but I felt like someone hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer.
I have high hopes for you, I respect you and I want you to respect yourself enough that you won't let your boyfriend talk you into going any further than you two have already gone.
Please don't do something that you will regret.
I wish I could talk to you about this but I don't know how to bring it up. I don't want you to be angry with me for reading the note, don't want you to feel like I don't trust you and that you can't trust me. I want to tell you that I've been there and done that and I wish that I hadn't because it's not love, it's lust that makes you both feel like that. Going further will only hurt you. He's already hurt you and if you two get back together and you give in to his desire for sex he will hurt you more once he gets it and then leaves you again.
Please, please listen to me. I love you and don't know what to do.
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Oh, that is tough.

Have you mentioned to her yet that since she is getting to the age where teenagers start to think about having sex, that you trust her to make her own decisions about when it is the right time to do that, but that you hope that she will wait for a stable and loving long-term relationship, and that no matter when she has sex, to be using condoms and lubricant until she is emotionally and financially ready for children?

You don't necessarily have to mention the note or the current boyfriend, just that this is important for her to know now that she's of age?
I agree with this comment, with the addendum that there's a good chance that she (maybe subconsciously) left the note where you could see it on purpose. Talk to her, maybe without letting her know you saw the note.

Good luck. I'm not at this point yet with my daughter, and I dread it.
We've talked about it.
Not quite how I wanted to do it. His mother has called the school and raised a fuss saying my daughter is stalking him and she's going get a restraining order. This is so wacked out I can't believe it's really happening.